LOVE ONE ANOTHER - 1 John 4:7
6 years ago
Monday, May 31, 2010
Connor's Best Day
Today was a fabulous day in the life of Connor. It began with a fresh fruit smoothie which he loves. Then his daddy took him for a bike ride (in the trailer). Next, he "helped" mow the yard. Follow that with a rinse-off bath, another favorite activity. After lunch he took a great nap which he asked for. He said "Night Night?" then laid his head on a pillow on the floor! After nap we loaded up and went to the park with 6 or 8 other families for a barbecue picnic where Connor got to run around for nearly 3 hours. Plus he got to eat on the run, a big no-no at home. He was so exhausted when we got in the car he just about crashed. When we returned home he got another bath, this time with lots of soap! He ate some yogurt, danced to Tom Petty and fell into bed at 7:45. What a day! The joy of my boy just grows and grows!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Hot Fun in the Summer Time
It's heating up out there and what's better to cool you off than a run through the sprinkler? Connor had a blast with his Daddy playing in the sprinkler last night. He laughed and cackled everytime he got splashed in the face. He drank from the hose and here he is trying to drink the dog shampoo. Don't worry, he wasn't successful. Oh what fun my boy is!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Cameron's Birth Story
Our newest arrival came into the world with a bang. Here's our story.
Cameron James Moore
Born Saturday May 8, 2010 at 2:32 PM
10 lbs 7 oz, 21.5 in
Throughout my pregnancy with Cameron, we planned a homebirth and were so excited as the pregnancy progressed with no complications. We had every reason to believe this baby would be delivered at home. We made every preparation to do so. We believed that God was in this and would honor our desire this time around. I saw a midwife in Killeen, Jennifer, for my prenatal care but also maintained close contact with Christy, my midwife from my pregnancy with Connor. She and I have a great relationship and if it had been a possibility; I would have been her client again. In my third trimester we came to an agreement on a plan for Christy to come to Cove and deliver me at home with Jennifer as a back up incase Christy wasn’t able to make it. They shared my medical records and were both on board with this plan.
One of my biggest heartaches during this pregnancy was self-inflicted in that because Connor came early, I was certain that Cameron would too. (Already comparing them I guess!) I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I’d prepared myself from the beginning that we would likely go late, which I did with Connor. With my estimated due date being April 28, I was hoping that Cameron would arrive by the 20th or hopefully as early as the 18th! As those days came and went and my discomfort grew, I became more and more impatient. I was in a good deal of pain in my hips and low belly. I saw a chiropractor for the last several weeks of my pregnancy to help my body stay aligned and ready for birth. I prayed daily that this baby would come today and would end the day uncomfortable, discouraged and feeling denied by God. I was sure He was working in me and that His time was the right time but I was also miserable.
To back up, on Monday April 12, late in the afternoon I believed that my water had broken, so I called both Jennifer and Christy to seek their advice. I was having irregular contractions that we getting more and more regular and we all decided this must be labor. We called in my parents and Christy to come from Hurst. By the time they all arrived the contractions had stopped and we were not certain that my water was ruptured or if it was nothing. The following day Jennifer did an exam and concluded that my water was still intact and that we were not in labor. I was both relieved and crushed. If my water had been broken that long, we would be looking at a trip to the hospital to avoid infection and to be induced but on the other hand, I would be having a baby! I really struggled for a day or two with the sadness of not holding my baby. I had completely geared up the day prior for labor and delivery and envisioned seeing and holding my new son and that was not my reality. Reality was that he was still being knit in my womb and was not ready for birth yet. My parents and Christy returned home on Tuesday and I tried to resume life as usual although I was even more consumed with when this baby would come.
As I said earlier, my hopeful delivery dates came and went, events I planned on missing came and went, my due date came and went all with no baby. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I prayed throughout each day that the Lord would give my patience and peace. I prayed that I would trust His perfect timing and I prayed for Cameron’s development and safety. On Tuesday May 4, my sweet friend Holly loaded up her 4 kids and pregnant self and drove from Bedford just to surprise me for the day. It was a great break from the monotonous mind games I was playing with myself. (Most nights I went to bed with strong, regular contractions and was sure that I would awake in the middle of the night with labor only to wake up the next morning just fine, no labor. It was completely exhausting.)
Finally, Friday May 7 I awoke to a gush of water around 6:30 AM. I got up, went to the bathroom and leaked more fluid along the way. I was certain that my water had broken this time. I began having contractions almost immediately. I waited an hour and a half to confirm that they would continue. I wanted to ensure that I did not call in the help unnecessarily. Finally, around 7:45 I called my parents and Christy. Christy said to keep her posted and that she wanted to be told when the contractions were 6-8 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds to a minute long. She wanted to be sure that she would make the drive in plenty of time (2 ½ hours). Around 8AM the contractions became less regular, and eventually died off. I was crushed. Matt and I began all of the tactics for inducing labor that we knew. I drank raspberry leaf tea all day, walked and walked and walked some more, used the breast pump, drank castor oil…you name it, I did it. It was all for nothing. I was not having contractions at all.
As the day progressed I was more and more anxious and discouraged about my fate. I knew that the longer I went with broken water and no labor, the more likely I was to wind up in the hospital. (Besides the restrictions the hospital puts on natural childbirth, I was also dreading having to pay a large hospital bill again. We had fully paid for Cameron’s prenatal care, birth and follow up appointments ahead of time, which means we would be paying twice. The other gut wrenching decision we made was to change our insurance, increasing our deductible to lower our monthly payments. We did this so that we could prepay for Cameron and believing that it was the wisest decision financially. Maybe the Lord is teaching us we don’t need a savings account?)
Knowing that because my contractions had stopped and there was no time crunch, Christy had not yet left for Cove. She was waiting to see what would happen, believing and praying that labor would come on its own. She spoke to Jennifer a couple of times that afternoon and evening. Jennifer told her that she had an herbal remedy for starting labor that she would bring by after an appointment she had in Temple. She was expected to be at my house by 8PM. By 10 PM, she still had not arrived. I was growing very frustrated and once I got her on the phone I explained that I wanted her to check to be sure my water had broken. (The hospital’s policy is that if your water has broken you need to check in within 24 hours. Because of this, Jennifer’s policy is to be there by 18 hours to avoid an immediate c-section.) I wanted to be 100% certain that my water had broken before going to the hospital because if by chance I was wrong again, the hospital was not necessary. While on the phone with Jennifer she told me “Pack a bag like you’re going to the hospital and meet me at the birth center in 30 minutes. My husband is out of town and I am on baby sitter time right now.” I was furious. I was in no way in control of what my body was and was not doing as far as labor, nor was I able to pack anything before meeting her. The birth center is about 25 minutes away. I was in a downward spiral as Matt drove us to Killeen to meet her. Why was she treating me this way? Why wasn’t I in labor? Why was the Lord taking us through the difficult journey? Why were my plans of a natural homebirth slipping away so quickly?
Once we arrived, she confirmed again that my water had broken and gave me my medical records so that I could go to Scott and White hospital in Temple. She made clear that she would not being going with me. We got back in the car and headed home. I had a certain peace about going to the hospital at this point. I knew it was where the Lord had me giving birth but I was so devastated by it. I called Christy and told her our plans. Immediately she told me that she was on her way. She was not going to send me to the hospital without support.
We went home, packed to the best of our ability and spent a few minutes in prayer before leaving for Temple. We first prayed for the safety and well being of Cameron and me. We also prayed that we would have wisdom to know how to deal with medical staff that did not know us or our wishes. We knew that going to the hospital 24 hours or more after my water had broken most likely ensured a c-section while going in earlier (around 18 hours) would hopefully allow me some leverage to labor naturally. Finally, we were off. We arrived at the hospital around 12AM and sat in the waiting room until around 2:30. While it was so frustrating to sit and wait for them to make a chart for me I now believe that was one of God’s sweet mercies because it allowed Christy enough time to make it from DFW. Her experience, wisdom, love for the Lord and for us were invaluable when faced with frightening and overwhelming decisions.
When we got into triage, the doctors again confirmed that my water had broken, I was dilated to 4 and 50% effaced. We saw 2 doctors (residents; S&W is a teaching hospital) in triage initially. Both did sonograms to get a look at the baby and were estimating that he was around 12 lbs. I knew good and well that after 20 weeks gestation a sonogram is not at all accurate for estimating the size of a baby. I allowed them to do it for their own peace of mind but I’m sure it just gave them more of a headache. They seemed fairly determined that a c-section was necessary as there were too many “risks” in delivering such a large baby. They did however fail to mention any of the risks involved in a c-section! The male doctor went over and over the risks of a shoulder dystocia – a very real and very serious risk where only one of baby’s shoulders comes out and the other gets stuck causing nerve damage, cerebral palsy or even death. The problem with this is that a shoulder dytocia is just as much a possibility in smaller babies. I felt like this whole interaction with the doctors was an exercise in fear tactics. Truthfully, it was working but I felt like I had to hold it together and not allow them to see my fear. I needed to hear from Christy to know if she felt like a c-section was my best choice or not. Finally the doctors left the room and allowed us to talk and process what they were telling us. Christy assured us that shoulder dystocias are serious but that we had no reason to believe it would happen to this baby. She was encouraging of my laboring and waiting for time to tell if we needed further intervention. We decided that being induced with Pitocin would be our first step and we would watch for signs that baby was having trouble descending. If he began to show signs of distress, we would move to surgery but not before.
The two doctors returned with their attending/supervising doctor (thank you Grey’s Anatomy for that vocab!) who was very encouraging of my trying to deliver this baby naturally. Well – as naturally as possible now anyway. Natural went out the window when we entered the hospital! She said that because I’d already delivered a good size baby there was plenty of reason to believe I could deliver this one. Thank you Lord for an encouraging doctor!
We finally got into a labor and delivery room around 3 AM and started Pitocin around 3:15. We were so grateful that it was a large room with a couch and recliner and plenty of room for all of us. Once all of the zillions of questions were asked and forms were signed, the nurses left us to try to rest. I was pretty wired but I got 30-45 minutes of rest at least. Around 5:30 I began to get somewhat uncomfortable and needed to get out of bed. I began to pace the room as far as my IV drip would allow. I did this for the next several hours. Periodically nurses would come in and increase the Pitocin dosage making the contractions a little stronger. Around 10AM I began to get pretty focused on the contractions and had to give my full attention to relaxing through them and encouraging them to do their work. Christy went and found a stability/birth ball for me to sit on but it was so small and needed air that it wasn’t very comfortable. I used it anyway though to get a break from being on my feet for the last 5 hours. Matt, Christy and my mom took turns massaging my back and holding my hands through contractions. They were an incredible support team. At 10:45 a nurse came in to check on me and asked if I wanted to be checked for dilation. Christy encouraged me to labor 30 more minutes and then check. Her instinct was that I was just starting to have productive contractions and needed more time to progress.
She was right. At 11:15 the nurse returned with a (new) doctor who did an internal exam only to discover that after 8 hours of Pitocin I was still at a 4 and had second layer of amniotic fluid that was still intact. Nothing! I was crushed. I will admit that my first thought was “well, I guess it will be a c-section after all.” I lost all hope. I was so exhausted that I knew I could not continue on with these extremely painful contractions any longer. Side note – real contractions are nothing compared to those created by Pitocin. I was not in pain with Connor until I was delivering him. I was in miserable pain for hours this time. An extremely different experience! The doctor also explained that she was going to require that I deliver the baby in the O.R. because she wanted to have all the necessary instruments incase we needed an emergency cesarean. She went on to describe a baby she’d lost due to a shoulder dystocia and how traumatic it was. This was the farthest thing from an encouraging word to me at the moment. Again, her scare tactics spoke right to my worst fears.
For whatever reason, most likely the Holy Spirit’s voice, it occurred to me that an epidural might offer some rest and relief. I began to question Christy about the possibility of having an epidural, resting for an hour or two and the turning it off so that I could get back to laboring on my feet. I did NOT want to prolong this process any more and all of my education and experience has shown me that epidurals slow labor down. Christy agreed that an epidural might be a good idea and that I should try to rest for 3-4 hours before considering turning it off. We called the nurse back in and at 12:15 I received an epidural. I cried. I was again so devastated that I was having more medicine and drifting so far from my “natural” birth.
The doctors and nurses left us once again to rest. My mom decided to take a break and headed home to rest for a few hours. I couldn’t sleep though. I was numb but still uncomfortable and my mind just would not stop spinning. All I could think about was Why is the Lord taking this from me? Why can’t I be at home right now? What is He doing in all of this?
Around 1:30 I felt a pop and a gush. My second bag of water broke. Immediately the pressure became very intense and the urge to push was strong in spite of the epidural. Christy coached me through some extremely intense contractions that were causing my whole body to shake and convulse. She kept reassuring me that it was just the Pitocin and to breathe through them just like I was on my feet. We called for the doctor and at 2:15 she checked me. This time I was fully dilated and ready to deliver. Only one person could accompany me to the OR and that was of course Matt. He was somewhat insecure about his ability to coach me through pushing. With Connor, his role was mainly to comfort and encourage me while Christy did the coaching. As they were wheeling me out the door I began to panic. Every scary story and complication they’d told me earlier ran through my head and I began to visualize all the things that could go wrong. I kept saying “I’m scared. I’m scared.” All I could think was that the Lord may have us in the hospital because He is going to take this baby. I knew very well that He has the right and the ability to do so. He blessed me with Cameron and if it was His choice to take him, I couldn’t do anything about it. I thought about our precious friends who have lost babies and that the Lord may be taking me down that same road. I was in a complete downward spiral and Christy was able to look me in the eye and encourage me that I can do this. I really don’t remember exactly what she said, but her words cut straight to my heart and empowered me to believe that I can deliver this baby.
We were moved to an operating room just down the hall. I got onto a operating table (not at all fun while a baby is coming out of you!) and got into position. As I said earlier Scott & White is a teaching hospital so there were 12-15 people in the O.R. It was like a scene from Seattle Grace. Everyone had masks on and there were huge blinding lights above me. I couldn’t recognize any of the doctors or nurses I had dealt with during the day. Matt held my right hand and spoke words that only the Lord could have provided him. He knew exactly when to tell me to relax and allow my body to open. As he would say these things I could feel myself open and the baby move downward. It was really incredible. Two contractions and six pushes later, Cameron James Moore was born at 2:32 PM. He weighed in at 10lbs 7oz and 21 ½ in long. I received 1 stitch and had no excessive bleeding.
My baby is beautiful and healthy. He is strong and eats well. I cannot understand why God took homebirth from me again but I keep telling myself that His ways are not my ways. He does not owe me an explanation. He does not owe me anything. I am grateful for the blessing of this beautiful boy.
I will Trust in the Lord with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. I will acknowledge Him in all my ways.
Cameron James Moore
Born Saturday May 8, 2010 at 2:32 PM
10 lbs 7 oz, 21.5 in
Throughout my pregnancy with Cameron, we planned a homebirth and were so excited as the pregnancy progressed with no complications. We had every reason to believe this baby would be delivered at home. We made every preparation to do so. We believed that God was in this and would honor our desire this time around. I saw a midwife in Killeen, Jennifer, for my prenatal care but also maintained close contact with Christy, my midwife from my pregnancy with Connor. She and I have a great relationship and if it had been a possibility; I would have been her client again. In my third trimester we came to an agreement on a plan for Christy to come to Cove and deliver me at home with Jennifer as a back up incase Christy wasn’t able to make it. They shared my medical records and were both on board with this plan.
One of my biggest heartaches during this pregnancy was self-inflicted in that because Connor came early, I was certain that Cameron would too. (Already comparing them I guess!) I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I’d prepared myself from the beginning that we would likely go late, which I did with Connor. With my estimated due date being April 28, I was hoping that Cameron would arrive by the 20th or hopefully as early as the 18th! As those days came and went and my discomfort grew, I became more and more impatient. I was in a good deal of pain in my hips and low belly. I saw a chiropractor for the last several weeks of my pregnancy to help my body stay aligned and ready for birth. I prayed daily that this baby would come today and would end the day uncomfortable, discouraged and feeling denied by God. I was sure He was working in me and that His time was the right time but I was also miserable.
To back up, on Monday April 12, late in the afternoon I believed that my water had broken, so I called both Jennifer and Christy to seek their advice. I was having irregular contractions that we getting more and more regular and we all decided this must be labor. We called in my parents and Christy to come from Hurst. By the time they all arrived the contractions had stopped and we were not certain that my water was ruptured or if it was nothing. The following day Jennifer did an exam and concluded that my water was still intact and that we were not in labor. I was both relieved and crushed. If my water had been broken that long, we would be looking at a trip to the hospital to avoid infection and to be induced but on the other hand, I would be having a baby! I really struggled for a day or two with the sadness of not holding my baby. I had completely geared up the day prior for labor and delivery and envisioned seeing and holding my new son and that was not my reality. Reality was that he was still being knit in my womb and was not ready for birth yet. My parents and Christy returned home on Tuesday and I tried to resume life as usual although I was even more consumed with when this baby would come.
As I said earlier, my hopeful delivery dates came and went, events I planned on missing came and went, my due date came and went all with no baby. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I prayed throughout each day that the Lord would give my patience and peace. I prayed that I would trust His perfect timing and I prayed for Cameron’s development and safety. On Tuesday May 4, my sweet friend Holly loaded up her 4 kids and pregnant self and drove from Bedford just to surprise me for the day. It was a great break from the monotonous mind games I was playing with myself. (Most nights I went to bed with strong, regular contractions and was sure that I would awake in the middle of the night with labor only to wake up the next morning just fine, no labor. It was completely exhausting.)
Finally, Friday May 7 I awoke to a gush of water around 6:30 AM. I got up, went to the bathroom and leaked more fluid along the way. I was certain that my water had broken this time. I began having contractions almost immediately. I waited an hour and a half to confirm that they would continue. I wanted to ensure that I did not call in the help unnecessarily. Finally, around 7:45 I called my parents and Christy. Christy said to keep her posted and that she wanted to be told when the contractions were 6-8 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds to a minute long. She wanted to be sure that she would make the drive in plenty of time (2 ½ hours). Around 8AM the contractions became less regular, and eventually died off. I was crushed. Matt and I began all of the tactics for inducing labor that we knew. I drank raspberry leaf tea all day, walked and walked and walked some more, used the breast pump, drank castor oil…you name it, I did it. It was all for nothing. I was not having contractions at all.
As the day progressed I was more and more anxious and discouraged about my fate. I knew that the longer I went with broken water and no labor, the more likely I was to wind up in the hospital. (Besides the restrictions the hospital puts on natural childbirth, I was also dreading having to pay a large hospital bill again. We had fully paid for Cameron’s prenatal care, birth and follow up appointments ahead of time, which means we would be paying twice. The other gut wrenching decision we made was to change our insurance, increasing our deductible to lower our monthly payments. We did this so that we could prepay for Cameron and believing that it was the wisest decision financially. Maybe the Lord is teaching us we don’t need a savings account?)
Knowing that because my contractions had stopped and there was no time crunch, Christy had not yet left for Cove. She was waiting to see what would happen, believing and praying that labor would come on its own. She spoke to Jennifer a couple of times that afternoon and evening. Jennifer told her that she had an herbal remedy for starting labor that she would bring by after an appointment she had in Temple. She was expected to be at my house by 8PM. By 10 PM, she still had not arrived. I was growing very frustrated and once I got her on the phone I explained that I wanted her to check to be sure my water had broken. (The hospital’s policy is that if your water has broken you need to check in within 24 hours. Because of this, Jennifer’s policy is to be there by 18 hours to avoid an immediate c-section.) I wanted to be 100% certain that my water had broken before going to the hospital because if by chance I was wrong again, the hospital was not necessary. While on the phone with Jennifer she told me “Pack a bag like you’re going to the hospital and meet me at the birth center in 30 minutes. My husband is out of town and I am on baby sitter time right now.” I was furious. I was in no way in control of what my body was and was not doing as far as labor, nor was I able to pack anything before meeting her. The birth center is about 25 minutes away. I was in a downward spiral as Matt drove us to Killeen to meet her. Why was she treating me this way? Why wasn’t I in labor? Why was the Lord taking us through the difficult journey? Why were my plans of a natural homebirth slipping away so quickly?
Once we arrived, she confirmed again that my water had broken and gave me my medical records so that I could go to Scott and White hospital in Temple. She made clear that she would not being going with me. We got back in the car and headed home. I had a certain peace about going to the hospital at this point. I knew it was where the Lord had me giving birth but I was so devastated by it. I called Christy and told her our plans. Immediately she told me that she was on her way. She was not going to send me to the hospital without support.
We went home, packed to the best of our ability and spent a few minutes in prayer before leaving for Temple. We first prayed for the safety and well being of Cameron and me. We also prayed that we would have wisdom to know how to deal with medical staff that did not know us or our wishes. We knew that going to the hospital 24 hours or more after my water had broken most likely ensured a c-section while going in earlier (around 18 hours) would hopefully allow me some leverage to labor naturally. Finally, we were off. We arrived at the hospital around 12AM and sat in the waiting room until around 2:30. While it was so frustrating to sit and wait for them to make a chart for me I now believe that was one of God’s sweet mercies because it allowed Christy enough time to make it from DFW. Her experience, wisdom, love for the Lord and for us were invaluable when faced with frightening and overwhelming decisions.
When we got into triage, the doctors again confirmed that my water had broken, I was dilated to 4 and 50% effaced. We saw 2 doctors (residents; S&W is a teaching hospital) in triage initially. Both did sonograms to get a look at the baby and were estimating that he was around 12 lbs. I knew good and well that after 20 weeks gestation a sonogram is not at all accurate for estimating the size of a baby. I allowed them to do it for their own peace of mind but I’m sure it just gave them more of a headache. They seemed fairly determined that a c-section was necessary as there were too many “risks” in delivering such a large baby. They did however fail to mention any of the risks involved in a c-section! The male doctor went over and over the risks of a shoulder dystocia – a very real and very serious risk where only one of baby’s shoulders comes out and the other gets stuck causing nerve damage, cerebral palsy or even death. The problem with this is that a shoulder dytocia is just as much a possibility in smaller babies. I felt like this whole interaction with the doctors was an exercise in fear tactics. Truthfully, it was working but I felt like I had to hold it together and not allow them to see my fear. I needed to hear from Christy to know if she felt like a c-section was my best choice or not. Finally the doctors left the room and allowed us to talk and process what they were telling us. Christy assured us that shoulder dystocias are serious but that we had no reason to believe it would happen to this baby. She was encouraging of my laboring and waiting for time to tell if we needed further intervention. We decided that being induced with Pitocin would be our first step and we would watch for signs that baby was having trouble descending. If he began to show signs of distress, we would move to surgery but not before.
The two doctors returned with their attending/supervising doctor (thank you Grey’s Anatomy for that vocab!) who was very encouraging of my trying to deliver this baby naturally. Well – as naturally as possible now anyway. Natural went out the window when we entered the hospital! She said that because I’d already delivered a good size baby there was plenty of reason to believe I could deliver this one. Thank you Lord for an encouraging doctor!
We finally got into a labor and delivery room around 3 AM and started Pitocin around 3:15. We were so grateful that it was a large room with a couch and recliner and plenty of room for all of us. Once all of the zillions of questions were asked and forms were signed, the nurses left us to try to rest. I was pretty wired but I got 30-45 minutes of rest at least. Around 5:30 I began to get somewhat uncomfortable and needed to get out of bed. I began to pace the room as far as my IV drip would allow. I did this for the next several hours. Periodically nurses would come in and increase the Pitocin dosage making the contractions a little stronger. Around 10AM I began to get pretty focused on the contractions and had to give my full attention to relaxing through them and encouraging them to do their work. Christy went and found a stability/birth ball for me to sit on but it was so small and needed air that it wasn’t very comfortable. I used it anyway though to get a break from being on my feet for the last 5 hours. Matt, Christy and my mom took turns massaging my back and holding my hands through contractions. They were an incredible support team. At 10:45 a nurse came in to check on me and asked if I wanted to be checked for dilation. Christy encouraged me to labor 30 more minutes and then check. Her instinct was that I was just starting to have productive contractions and needed more time to progress.
She was right. At 11:15 the nurse returned with a (new) doctor who did an internal exam only to discover that after 8 hours of Pitocin I was still at a 4 and had second layer of amniotic fluid that was still intact. Nothing! I was crushed. I will admit that my first thought was “well, I guess it will be a c-section after all.” I lost all hope. I was so exhausted that I knew I could not continue on with these extremely painful contractions any longer. Side note – real contractions are nothing compared to those created by Pitocin. I was not in pain with Connor until I was delivering him. I was in miserable pain for hours this time. An extremely different experience! The doctor also explained that she was going to require that I deliver the baby in the O.R. because she wanted to have all the necessary instruments incase we needed an emergency cesarean. She went on to describe a baby she’d lost due to a shoulder dystocia and how traumatic it was. This was the farthest thing from an encouraging word to me at the moment. Again, her scare tactics spoke right to my worst fears.
For whatever reason, most likely the Holy Spirit’s voice, it occurred to me that an epidural might offer some rest and relief. I began to question Christy about the possibility of having an epidural, resting for an hour or two and the turning it off so that I could get back to laboring on my feet. I did NOT want to prolong this process any more and all of my education and experience has shown me that epidurals slow labor down. Christy agreed that an epidural might be a good idea and that I should try to rest for 3-4 hours before considering turning it off. We called the nurse back in and at 12:15 I received an epidural. I cried. I was again so devastated that I was having more medicine and drifting so far from my “natural” birth.
The doctors and nurses left us once again to rest. My mom decided to take a break and headed home to rest for a few hours. I couldn’t sleep though. I was numb but still uncomfortable and my mind just would not stop spinning. All I could think about was Why is the Lord taking this from me? Why can’t I be at home right now? What is He doing in all of this?
Around 1:30 I felt a pop and a gush. My second bag of water broke. Immediately the pressure became very intense and the urge to push was strong in spite of the epidural. Christy coached me through some extremely intense contractions that were causing my whole body to shake and convulse. She kept reassuring me that it was just the Pitocin and to breathe through them just like I was on my feet. We called for the doctor and at 2:15 she checked me. This time I was fully dilated and ready to deliver. Only one person could accompany me to the OR and that was of course Matt. He was somewhat insecure about his ability to coach me through pushing. With Connor, his role was mainly to comfort and encourage me while Christy did the coaching. As they were wheeling me out the door I began to panic. Every scary story and complication they’d told me earlier ran through my head and I began to visualize all the things that could go wrong. I kept saying “I’m scared. I’m scared.” All I could think was that the Lord may have us in the hospital because He is going to take this baby. I knew very well that He has the right and the ability to do so. He blessed me with Cameron and if it was His choice to take him, I couldn’t do anything about it. I thought about our precious friends who have lost babies and that the Lord may be taking me down that same road. I was in a complete downward spiral and Christy was able to look me in the eye and encourage me that I can do this. I really don’t remember exactly what she said, but her words cut straight to my heart and empowered me to believe that I can deliver this baby.
We were moved to an operating room just down the hall. I got onto a operating table (not at all fun while a baby is coming out of you!) and got into position. As I said earlier Scott & White is a teaching hospital so there were 12-15 people in the O.R. It was like a scene from Seattle Grace. Everyone had masks on and there were huge blinding lights above me. I couldn’t recognize any of the doctors or nurses I had dealt with during the day. Matt held my right hand and spoke words that only the Lord could have provided him. He knew exactly when to tell me to relax and allow my body to open. As he would say these things I could feel myself open and the baby move downward. It was really incredible. Two contractions and six pushes later, Cameron James Moore was born at 2:32 PM. He weighed in at 10lbs 7oz and 21 ½ in long. I received 1 stitch and had no excessive bleeding.
My baby is beautiful and healthy. He is strong and eats well. I cannot understand why God took homebirth from me again but I keep telling myself that His ways are not my ways. He does not owe me an explanation. He does not owe me anything. I am grateful for the blessing of this beautiful boy.
I will Trust in the Lord with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. I will acknowledge Him in all my ways.
Connor's Birth Story
I wrote my account of Connor's birth in the days after he arrived but for various reasons never posted on here. Before I post Cameron's I feel the need to share Connor's. They are extremely different but both are extremely significant to me.
Connor Thomas Moore November 6, 2008 8lbs 11 oz 21”
Beginning about 2 1/2 weeks before he was born my blood pressure began to rise and my kidneys began leaking protein. Both of these things can be fairly serious for mom & baby so my midwife, Christy Martin, added supplements to my routine and tweaked my diet and activity schedule. As I saw her for my following appointment we discovered that my symptoms had improved but that I was still in the 'danger zone' and in order to deliver outside the hospital, as Matt & I strongly desired to do, you must be in the 'normal' category. Christy had a consulting physician that she worked with and scheduled an appointment for me Tuesday, the 4th. This was just a consultation so that I could meet him & hear his opinions. During the appointment we discussed the likely possibility that I would end up delivering in the hospital. My blood pressure was very high and he was concerned about my liver being affected, so he had me admitted to the hospital for testing that evening. Christy sat with Matt & me as we watched the machines monitor my blood pressure, contractions and Connor's heart rate for a few hours. We prayed and prayed that the Lord would bring me back to a normal level and I would be able to deliver at the birth center as planned. Because everything was normal we were sent home that night (a nearly 3 hour car ride!) unsure of where our baby would be born.
I really struggled with this reality because I so strongly desired to deliver my baby in the most natural, peaceful environment possible and could not understand why the Lord would not honor that desire. I researched & asked every question I could about why or how this could be happening since I had been so careful with my diet and prenatal care? Everything I was told and read was that I had no control over the situation and there is no way to prevent this. I truly had to let go of my expectations and trust that the Lord was still on His throne. He would work the situation for His glory - and He did!
So, being on required rest I was laying in bed Thursday watching TV around noon, when I felt the urge to go to the restroom. As I moved to get up I felt a gush of fluid and thought "Did I just wet myself? No, I think my water broke!" I stood up and was then certain that my water had broken as fluid ran down my legs. I grabbed my phone and called Matt ecstatic with the promise of going into labor on my own. (After seeing the doctor, being induced became a concern that we had not yet faced and strongly wanted to avoid.) He was about to leave for lunch anyhow, and just packed up and came home right away. I then called Christy and told her what had happened. I explained that I wasn't having contractions yet but my water had broken and I was beginning labor. I was fully aware that many women who's water breaks as the first sign of labor do not begin contracting for days, and that we may not have our baby right away, but Matt & I had prayed diligently that we would have a clear sign that labor had begun and that we would have plenty of time to make the drive back to DFW for the delivery. Christy told me to take our time leaving and that I should lay and rest while Matt finished packing and loading the car. I showered, dressed and rested over the next hour and half while Matt got everything taken care of at the house. About 1:30 we got in the car and still wanting to keep my blood pressure down, I decided to lie in the back seat. We were on our way! Not long after being in the car I began to have some contractions, but they were very mild and somewhat hard to time. I would describe them as more like menstrual cramps or gas pains than anything. They progressed as we drove north but were very manageable until we were about 20 minutes or so away. We'd been in contact with Christy as we drove and she said we should meet her at the birth center at least initially. I began getting more and more restless and uncomfortable, really wanting to get out of the car. Matt was very reassuring and did a great job driving smoothly.
When we arrived at the birth center around 4:20 I labored there for a while using the birth ball and begging to get into the tub. Christy had me wait because she wanted to monitor my blood pressure before I got into the tub. I paced and moved around as I wanted, which is just how we planned the labor to go. She took my blood pressure twice and did a pelvic exam. Both bp reads were too high and I was dilated to nearly a 6 with the baby's head already very low... so at about 5:45 we got back in the car and made the 20 minute drive to Baylor Grapevine hospital. I really don't recall much about that car ride except that my contractions were extremely intense and the last 3 or 4 contractions were so strong that they began pushing the baby themselves. I remember telling Matt, "I can't not push!" I sort of remember feeling panicked that we wouldn't make it in time. Matt pulled into the drop off area and said, "I'll drop you off." But as he came around and opened my door I crawled out only to have my knees hit the ground. I laid my head on the seat and tried to relax as another contraction pushed Connor further down. Two women were coming outside and one ran to get a wheel chair as the other pushed for the elevator. Matt had to leave the car parked there and wasn't able to go back down to move it for nearly 4 hours so he just prayed that they didn't tow it! Christy was just behind us and had called ahead to let the hospital know that we were on our way and called the doctor so that he could meet us there.
Matt wheeled me around the desk and without stopping got the room number. As we got to room 4 there was a nurse there to help me undress. I remember her pulling my jeans down as I gripped the handicap bar in the shower. My contractions were almost constant by this point; I had maybe 30 seconds between them. In my original plans I intended to deliver either kneeling over a chair or a ball or possibly on all fours, but never on my back. There is too much logic against it, however the nurse had me on my back to take my blood pressure and strap the monitors around my belly. She said I could get up when she was done, but as she checked me she said I was fully dilated and the baby was at +2. So, in the 20 minutes from the birth center to the hospital I went from a 6 to a 10 and could no longer refrain from pushing. I never moved from the diagonal position I was in on the bed. The nurse looked at Christy and said something to the effect of, "Dr. Clark may not make it. Can you deliver this baby?" Christy was like," Yah, of course." There was a lot going on around me and I was very unaware of who was in the room but one nurse kept having me sign form after form between contractions & maintaining my sense of humor I said, "It's not your fault but I hate you." She was very nice, whatever her name was. Matt and Christy were very encouraging and kept reminding me to relax my bottom and let the contractions do the work - don't push with them. Breathe. Etc. I wasn't aware at the time but my blood pressure never got over the normal/healthy range. The monitors began tracking me at 6:15 and sometime in there Dr. Clark did arrive. I had planned and typed up my birth plan just in case we would be at the hospital which included things like: I want my own soothing music playing, dim lights, minimal talking, minimal exams, no IV's, no drugs, etc. This was left in the car in the drop of zone. Matt did his best to recall what we'd gone over and with Christy's help he was able to recall most everything.
I don't recall Dr. Clark's arrival, but he just appeared in the room at some point and it was really time for me to push with the contractions. Connor was crowning and I remember Christy saying, "I was wrong! He has lots of hair!" Over the next while I experienced a good amount of pain - for the first time. While I had certainly been uncomfortable and the contractions were intense, I would not call them painful. Delivering the head was very painful & the term "ring of fire" became very real to me. One thing that would have made the experience slightly more bearable would have been a warm compress, which I had requested in my birth plan - oh well! As I pushed and pushed for what felt like forever, Matt & Christy were so encouraging telling me each time that they could see more of his head and how close I was getting to being done. I remember feeling like there were times I would push and nothing would happen-like I was being unproductive. Then there were other pushes where I could feel major progress and him moving further and further down. It was discouraging when I would feel such progress though and ask, “Is it out?” only to be told, “No, but you’re so close.” Once his head was delivered Christy & Dr. Clark had me stop pushing and again just let the contractions push him out. Connor’s heart rate stayed strong throughout delivery and I firmly believe that is because of the absence of drugs and the time allowed between contractions for me to rest and breathe. The delivery of the rest of his body was actually a pleasure, if you can believe it! I remember Matt saying, “There’s a shoulder!” and the excitement in his voice being very real to me. Christy told me to look down at my baby and I watched as his little human body was expelled from mine. At one point while his legs were still inside he opened his eyes and this emotion which I have no word for, rushed over me; a mixture of pride, excitement, joy and many others. He was real and he was here and he’s mine! There is no other feeling, memory or experience in the world that compares to that moment for me.
As he was delivered he was laid on my stomach where I held him and watched him. Part of my birth plan was that his cord not be cut until it stopped pulsating so that he could receive all of the blood and oxygen from me that he needed. I don’t recall how long that took, but I think around 10 minutes or so, but once the time was right, Matt cut the cord and Connor was free to breastfeed! He ate immediately, like a champ! As we waited for my placenta to deliver, Dr. Clark became concerned (I was totally unaware of anything but my baby at that time) that I was losing too much blood, so he asked if they could give me Pitocin to strengthen contractions. I agreed, although I was disappointed to have to use it. It had been 30+ minutes since Connor’s delivery and every muscle in my body was weak and tired but I had to sit up and push. It eventually came out but again, with it came a lot of blood. I learned the next day that my placenta had only partially detached from the uterus and the blood that would have normally been going into the placenta for the baby was pouring into my uterus instead. As the nurse monitored me I rested with my baby in my arms for over an hour and a half Dr. Clark had to give me one stitch for an interior tear but as I see it, that’s not too bad. I also believe that if I’d been free to deliver on my hands and knees or vertically as I’d planned, the tear wouldn’t exist. Reality is though that I delivered on my back and suffered a minor laceration because of it.
The time came for them to take Connor to the nursery to bathe him and do their required tests (which we begged for them to do in the L&D room.) Since they couldn't agree to do that Matt went with Connor. While he was gone I was supposed to get cleaned up and meet them in my real room, however when we sat me up I fainted. I was only out a couple of seconds but it shook me up emotionally. During that time our parents arrived and watched as Connor was cleaned and measured (8lbs, 10.6 oz, 21 in). Then they came to see me. After an hour and a half they FINALLY brought Connor back to me in L&D, again something that they don’t normally do, but most moms are out of recovery by then.
Over the next 24 hours my body did not recover well. As I continued to bleed (a normal amount) not enough new blood was being created in my body. This is where I believe God intervened. There is no way we could have known or seen that this would occur, so he gave us symptoms of high blood pressure – signs we could see – so that we would be in the hospital where I could be helped. The following night I received a transfusion of 2 units of blood, which really discouraged me. I was so upset that my body was not functioning as it was designed, in spite of all that I’d done to prepare it for this delivery. However I was assured that there was no way for me to prevent this and that the blood would only make me feel better. So, Friday night I received a blood transfusion for the first time and slept peacefully with my husband and newborn baby at my side.
In all of this I have learned that we cannot know God’s timing or plans but we have to trust Him. He loves us and our perception of Him does not change who He is.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Connor Thomas Moore November 6, 2008 8lbs 11 oz 21”
Beginning about 2 1/2 weeks before he was born my blood pressure began to rise and my kidneys began leaking protein. Both of these things can be fairly serious for mom & baby so my midwife, Christy Martin, added supplements to my routine and tweaked my diet and activity schedule. As I saw her for my following appointment we discovered that my symptoms had improved but that I was still in the 'danger zone' and in order to deliver outside the hospital, as Matt & I strongly desired to do, you must be in the 'normal' category. Christy had a consulting physician that she worked with and scheduled an appointment for me Tuesday, the 4th. This was just a consultation so that I could meet him & hear his opinions. During the appointment we discussed the likely possibility that I would end up delivering in the hospital. My blood pressure was very high and he was concerned about my liver being affected, so he had me admitted to the hospital for testing that evening. Christy sat with Matt & me as we watched the machines monitor my blood pressure, contractions and Connor's heart rate for a few hours. We prayed and prayed that the Lord would bring me back to a normal level and I would be able to deliver at the birth center as planned. Because everything was normal we were sent home that night (a nearly 3 hour car ride!) unsure of where our baby would be born.
I really struggled with this reality because I so strongly desired to deliver my baby in the most natural, peaceful environment possible and could not understand why the Lord would not honor that desire. I researched & asked every question I could about why or how this could be happening since I had been so careful with my diet and prenatal care? Everything I was told and read was that I had no control over the situation and there is no way to prevent this. I truly had to let go of my expectations and trust that the Lord was still on His throne. He would work the situation for His glory - and He did!
So, being on required rest I was laying in bed Thursday watching TV around noon, when I felt the urge to go to the restroom. As I moved to get up I felt a gush of fluid and thought "Did I just wet myself? No, I think my water broke!" I stood up and was then certain that my water had broken as fluid ran down my legs. I grabbed my phone and called Matt ecstatic with the promise of going into labor on my own. (After seeing the doctor, being induced became a concern that we had not yet faced and strongly wanted to avoid.) He was about to leave for lunch anyhow, and just packed up and came home right away. I then called Christy and told her what had happened. I explained that I wasn't having contractions yet but my water had broken and I was beginning labor. I was fully aware that many women who's water breaks as the first sign of labor do not begin contracting for days, and that we may not have our baby right away, but Matt & I had prayed diligently that we would have a clear sign that labor had begun and that we would have plenty of time to make the drive back to DFW for the delivery. Christy told me to take our time leaving and that I should lay and rest while Matt finished packing and loading the car. I showered, dressed and rested over the next hour and half while Matt got everything taken care of at the house. About 1:30 we got in the car and still wanting to keep my blood pressure down, I decided to lie in the back seat. We were on our way! Not long after being in the car I began to have some contractions, but they were very mild and somewhat hard to time. I would describe them as more like menstrual cramps or gas pains than anything. They progressed as we drove north but were very manageable until we were about 20 minutes or so away. We'd been in contact with Christy as we drove and she said we should meet her at the birth center at least initially. I began getting more and more restless and uncomfortable, really wanting to get out of the car. Matt was very reassuring and did a great job driving smoothly.
When we arrived at the birth center around 4:20 I labored there for a while using the birth ball and begging to get into the tub. Christy had me wait because she wanted to monitor my blood pressure before I got into the tub. I paced and moved around as I wanted, which is just how we planned the labor to go. She took my blood pressure twice and did a pelvic exam. Both bp reads were too high and I was dilated to nearly a 6 with the baby's head already very low... so at about 5:45 we got back in the car and made the 20 minute drive to Baylor Grapevine hospital. I really don't recall much about that car ride except that my contractions were extremely intense and the last 3 or 4 contractions were so strong that they began pushing the baby themselves. I remember telling Matt, "I can't not push!" I sort of remember feeling panicked that we wouldn't make it in time. Matt pulled into the drop off area and said, "I'll drop you off." But as he came around and opened my door I crawled out only to have my knees hit the ground. I laid my head on the seat and tried to relax as another contraction pushed Connor further down. Two women were coming outside and one ran to get a wheel chair as the other pushed for the elevator. Matt had to leave the car parked there and wasn't able to go back down to move it for nearly 4 hours so he just prayed that they didn't tow it! Christy was just behind us and had called ahead to let the hospital know that we were on our way and called the doctor so that he could meet us there.
Matt wheeled me around the desk and without stopping got the room number. As we got to room 4 there was a nurse there to help me undress. I remember her pulling my jeans down as I gripped the handicap bar in the shower. My contractions were almost constant by this point; I had maybe 30 seconds between them. In my original plans I intended to deliver either kneeling over a chair or a ball or possibly on all fours, but never on my back. There is too much logic against it, however the nurse had me on my back to take my blood pressure and strap the monitors around my belly. She said I could get up when she was done, but as she checked me she said I was fully dilated and the baby was at +2. So, in the 20 minutes from the birth center to the hospital I went from a 6 to a 10 and could no longer refrain from pushing. I never moved from the diagonal position I was in on the bed. The nurse looked at Christy and said something to the effect of, "Dr. Clark may not make it. Can you deliver this baby?" Christy was like," Yah, of course." There was a lot going on around me and I was very unaware of who was in the room but one nurse kept having me sign form after form between contractions & maintaining my sense of humor I said, "It's not your fault but I hate you." She was very nice, whatever her name was. Matt and Christy were very encouraging and kept reminding me to relax my bottom and let the contractions do the work - don't push with them. Breathe. Etc. I wasn't aware at the time but my blood pressure never got over the normal/healthy range. The monitors began tracking me at 6:15 and sometime in there Dr. Clark did arrive. I had planned and typed up my birth plan just in case we would be at the hospital which included things like: I want my own soothing music playing, dim lights, minimal talking, minimal exams, no IV's, no drugs, etc. This was left in the car in the drop of zone. Matt did his best to recall what we'd gone over and with Christy's help he was able to recall most everything.
I don't recall Dr. Clark's arrival, but he just appeared in the room at some point and it was really time for me to push with the contractions. Connor was crowning and I remember Christy saying, "I was wrong! He has lots of hair!" Over the next while I experienced a good amount of pain - for the first time. While I had certainly been uncomfortable and the contractions were intense, I would not call them painful. Delivering the head was very painful & the term "ring of fire" became very real to me. One thing that would have made the experience slightly more bearable would have been a warm compress, which I had requested in my birth plan - oh well! As I pushed and pushed for what felt like forever, Matt & Christy were so encouraging telling me each time that they could see more of his head and how close I was getting to being done. I remember feeling like there were times I would push and nothing would happen-like I was being unproductive. Then there were other pushes where I could feel major progress and him moving further and further down. It was discouraging when I would feel such progress though and ask, “Is it out?” only to be told, “No, but you’re so close.” Once his head was delivered Christy & Dr. Clark had me stop pushing and again just let the contractions push him out. Connor’s heart rate stayed strong throughout delivery and I firmly believe that is because of the absence of drugs and the time allowed between contractions for me to rest and breathe. The delivery of the rest of his body was actually a pleasure, if you can believe it! I remember Matt saying, “There’s a shoulder!” and the excitement in his voice being very real to me. Christy told me to look down at my baby and I watched as his little human body was expelled from mine. At one point while his legs were still inside he opened his eyes and this emotion which I have no word for, rushed over me; a mixture of pride, excitement, joy and many others. He was real and he was here and he’s mine! There is no other feeling, memory or experience in the world that compares to that moment for me.
As he was delivered he was laid on my stomach where I held him and watched him. Part of my birth plan was that his cord not be cut until it stopped pulsating so that he could receive all of the blood and oxygen from me that he needed. I don’t recall how long that took, but I think around 10 minutes or so, but once the time was right, Matt cut the cord and Connor was free to breastfeed! He ate immediately, like a champ! As we waited for my placenta to deliver, Dr. Clark became concerned (I was totally unaware of anything but my baby at that time) that I was losing too much blood, so he asked if they could give me Pitocin to strengthen contractions. I agreed, although I was disappointed to have to use it. It had been 30+ minutes since Connor’s delivery and every muscle in my body was weak and tired but I had to sit up and push. It eventually came out but again, with it came a lot of blood. I learned the next day that my placenta had only partially detached from the uterus and the blood that would have normally been going into the placenta for the baby was pouring into my uterus instead. As the nurse monitored me I rested with my baby in my arms for over an hour and a half Dr. Clark had to give me one stitch for an interior tear but as I see it, that’s not too bad. I also believe that if I’d been free to deliver on my hands and knees or vertically as I’d planned, the tear wouldn’t exist. Reality is though that I delivered on my back and suffered a minor laceration because of it.
The time came for them to take Connor to the nursery to bathe him and do their required tests (which we begged for them to do in the L&D room.) Since they couldn't agree to do that Matt went with Connor. While he was gone I was supposed to get cleaned up and meet them in my real room, however when we sat me up I fainted. I was only out a couple of seconds but it shook me up emotionally. During that time our parents arrived and watched as Connor was cleaned and measured (8lbs, 10.6 oz, 21 in). Then they came to see me. After an hour and a half they FINALLY brought Connor back to me in L&D, again something that they don’t normally do, but most moms are out of recovery by then.
Over the next 24 hours my body did not recover well. As I continued to bleed (a normal amount) not enough new blood was being created in my body. This is where I believe God intervened. There is no way we could have known or seen that this would occur, so he gave us symptoms of high blood pressure – signs we could see – so that we would be in the hospital where I could be helped. The following night I received a transfusion of 2 units of blood, which really discouraged me. I was so upset that my body was not functioning as it was designed, in spite of all that I’d done to prepare it for this delivery. However I was assured that there was no way for me to prevent this and that the blood would only make me feel better. So, Friday night I received a blood transfusion for the first time and slept peacefully with my husband and newborn baby at my side.
In all of this I have learned that we cannot know God’s timing or plans but we have to trust Him. He loves us and our perception of Him does not change who He is.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Sunday, May 16, 2010
On the 8th day
Cameron is 8 days old today. I wasn't sure what to expect when he was born as far as how "attached" I would be. Some people say they can't even remember what it was like before baby #2 arrived - I can; and others say they wish they could go back - I don't. It is certainly harder. It was easier with just Connor. I know him. I know his routine, his likes & dislikes, how to comfort him and what he wants. He is able to communicate with me so well these days and it is wonderful.
BUT now there's Cameron. He is this tiny warm bundle that I could stare at for hours and adore cuddling with. He is cozy and continues to grow on me every day. I really miss a full night's sleep I will confess, but it is a price I'll pay. I am falling more and more in love with my baby every day.
The hardest part of this week has been time away from Connor. He is handling it all pretty well. Matt has been home pretty much all week and all the grandparents have been here, so he is getting lots of attention. I am occupied with Cameron quite a bit of the time though, so I am not getting Connor attention and I miss my boy! My sweet, funny, hugable boy. Matt keeps reminding me that he hasn't gone anywhere and that this time with Cameron is so important. I know he's right. My heart has enough love for both of them, I think I just fear not having the time to express all that love!
Anyway, these are the sentiments of a sleep deprived, hormonal new (again) mommy. Please forgive my gushing. I am so truly blessed and cannot tell God enough how grateful I am.
- Sorry there are no new pictures. We are currently without a camera & working to correct that as fast as we can!
BUT now there's Cameron. He is this tiny warm bundle that I could stare at for hours and adore cuddling with. He is cozy and continues to grow on me every day. I really miss a full night's sleep I will confess, but it is a price I'll pay. I am falling more and more in love with my baby every day.
The hardest part of this week has been time away from Connor. He is handling it all pretty well. Matt has been home pretty much all week and all the grandparents have been here, so he is getting lots of attention. I am occupied with Cameron quite a bit of the time though, so I am not getting Connor attention and I miss my boy! My sweet, funny, hugable boy. Matt keeps reminding me that he hasn't gone anywhere and that this time with Cameron is so important. I know he's right. My heart has enough love for both of them, I think I just fear not having the time to express all that love!
Anyway, these are the sentiments of a sleep deprived, hormonal new (again) mommy. Please forgive my gushing. I am so truly blessed and cannot tell God enough how grateful I am.
- Sorry there are no new pictures. We are currently without a camera & working to correct that as fast as we can!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Newborn pics
My friend Nicole is working on her photography skills and came over yesterday to practice on us! What a joy. Here are some of her sweet pictures!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Cameron James Moore
He is here! We are so excited to have Cameron home with us. I will give the story of his birth soon but I am just too tired right now.
Cameron was born Saturday May 8 at 2:32pm weighing 10lbs 7 oz and 21 1/2 inches long.
Cameron was born Saturday May 8 at 2:32pm weighing 10lbs 7 oz and 21 1/2 inches long.
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